The Howard Stern Show returned live Monday, February 18, 2013 and the King of All Media kicked off his broadcast by reviewing last weekend’s 55th Annual Grammy Awards broadcast with his classic brand of uncensored wit.

Check out some of Howard Stern’s best quotes on the 2013 Grammy Awards broacast below:

“Rihanna didn’t sing diamonds in the skoyyy and she sang something else that was really bad.”

“I was watching the Black Keys…and was like ‘Why is Steve Brandano in my life’.”

“I love Elton John but he’s got to get a new toupee”

“Somebody needs to get a hold of Johnny Depp and tell him that Jack Sparrow is just a character her plays in the movies…I think he’s living the character. I think Johnny Depp’s caught in Jack Sparrow…Johnny Depp will forever be a pirate.”

“CBS said no one could dress like a hooker—which is sort of what I enjoy about  the Grammys, seeing young ladies dressed as hookers. I don’t want to see Rihanna all covered up.”

“[Why was Jennifer Lopez] showing that big thick leg of hers?…She was standing in a way so her entire thigh would stick out. She’s so funny. She’s such an attention whore. I should lend her my Fartman costume.”

Howard Stern also bashed host L.L. Cool J as “irrelevant” and frowned on Taylor Swift’s decision to cover up during her performance of “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”.

“She should perform naked,” said Stern.